Friday, February 27, 2009

Exciting new invention! The store will be complete pandemonium!

Mr. Slug was pleased that he was able to take care of all of his business appointments while in Los Angeles. He will return to Oregon triumphant! Mr Slug returns with the newest innovation in personal tail accessories, the Powda-Pal sock powdering device, which is scheduled to be released at the end of this week if all goes smoothly. Sleek and efficient, this little puppy delivers the finest tail powder and tickle that money can buy! Made in the U.S.A. from Titanium alloys and accented with natural finished wood veneers. Available in pink, red, seafoam green and black to match your fussiest decor! Your tail will thank you!

What did you put in there? Rocks?!

It is a good thing that Mr. and Mrs. Slug know how to pack light when they travel, as there are new restrictions on the amount of weight allowed per piece of luggage. Mr. and Mrs. Slug used to include a stash of water to keep a high moisture content, but now they just buy it when they arrive at the destination....well, just a couple of water bottles shouldn't make much difference.............Hoist them on up and to the scale and say your prayers!

Shake your tail feather!

Mrs. Slug walked in on her husband while he was perfecting the first of two wings he is designing for his frequent trips to LA. He does not really need them, as he has already booked a flight on his favorite commuter airline, SLUGAIR, who are enjoying a profit in the first quarter despite the economy. It seems that slugs everywhere are choosing to live it up and travel, after all, if the financial markets are no longer sailing, then flying around is the obvious thing to do when the economic outlook is downright sluggish! We're goin' to Disneyland! No, wait...we went there last time.......I think this trip we will go to the La Brea Tarpits and see the brand new giant Wooly Mammoth that was found at a construction site recently! Yeah!!! Large bowls of Pho soup for everyone! Taco truck, here we come! Griffith Park Merry Go Round, start your pipe organ! It's time to riiiiide!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

LOVE........ It's 100% Organic!

Mrs. Slug is one of those "Green Slugs" who takes an interest in renewable sources of energy. She has found that the finest organic product available at her local Love Farm is also of the best quality, easily recycled, and more delicious and tasty than the processed varieties. Purchase in small or large quantities, and sprinkle liberally throughout your daily activities. Become a preferred customer and enjoy all of the benefits of being a club member!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

"Honey!" " Help me!" " I'm stuck, and I can't slide!"

The morning started out nicely enough. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. Everything was right with the world, when suddenly, Mrs. Slug heard a faint cry coming from the other side of the house. When she arrived at the scene, Mr. Slug was doubled up, groaning and looking rather strained. He said, "It's an old injury from an incident that involved a car that hit me from behind. My tail has a muscle spasm every now and then." Seeing the agony that her dear husband slug was in, she immediately sprung into action, and within minutes, Mr. Slug was fit as a fiddle and dancing a jig!
Mrs. Slug has a theory that Mr. Slug needs more potassium in his diet, and thereby should eat more bananas. Mr. Slug begs to differ. He has a theory that he needs more ice cream, and that Mrs. Slug should run out to the store and purchase the flavor of his choice so this kind of thing won't happen again!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Escaped boat elludes police, news at 11

If you were attending the Seafood and Wine Festival in Newport Oregon today, you may have spotted a wild looking boat on a trailer. It had separated itself from the tow rig. The boat was laughing maniacally, while it wove in and out of traffic, without regard for the safety of others. Mrs. Slug spotted the scofflaw near the intersection of Highway 101 and Bay Street. She promptly notified the authorities using her trusty slugphone. The police set up a roadblock and successfully stopped the vehicle with a tack strip. A field sobriety test was performed and failed. The police called in Mr. Clampy for assistance, who placed a clamp on the rudder. The boat was arrested and housed at the Lincoln County Courthouse. Bail has been set at 250,000.00 and three crab rings full of live crabs, which shall be released back into the sea, along with the boat, when bail is posted.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Quit staring at me!

After Mr. and Mrs. Slug returned from their cruise vacation, Mr. Slug noticed that his tail had a tremendous itch. Dr. Sluggo looked at the angry welts on the tender tail and replied, "This is a serious case of taildermatosis. It may have been caused by sliding around without proper tail protection on the Lido Deck. It is a common condition when the tail is exposed to the abrasive salt air. See you again next Wednesday." However it happened, Mr. Slug is going to wear the collar without complaint until the tail heals, otherwise Dr Sluggo will have to encapsulate the offended dermis with a tail cast so that the tail can heal properly. How come fun always seems to have a high price?!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Everything is included...the entertainment, the food, the works!

In these troubled times, it is even more important to remember that a slug should not stop living. Watch your pocketbook while you enjoy the finer things in life. As Mr. Slug says, "You only slide once." A slug should strive to get the best value for his gooey, hard earned dollar. Mr. and Mrs. Slug love all of the extras that a cruise vacation offers, especially the on-board musical stage shows with the elaborate costumes and perky performers! Mr. and Mrs. Slug have dancing tails on tonight! Well done! That's making your dollar work for you!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Try our full compliment of Love Machines! Available Now!

For an unlimited time only, this heavy duty love machine has been made available aboard the Love Stoat Cruise Lines. It works even better in the rough weather when the ship is rockin' and rollin'! Immerse yourself in gooey will never want to return to land again!

Reapply the sunscreen before falling asleep on the Lido Deck

They won! They won BIG! Yay! Mr. and Mrs. Slug have had a run of good luck! Mr. Slug says, "When you are on a roll, just go with it. Cash those winning tickets in as soon as possible, and don't forget to bring your swim suit. Oh yeah - if your wife falls asleep in her lounge chair, you better wake her up before she is visibly pink and her tender slug skin is sunburned. Your fabulous streak of luck could be in danger if you do not follow the proper guidelines on the cruiseline."

Thursday, February 12, 2009

An atmospheric disturbance of the peace

Mr. Slug's grandmother used to say, "Better an empty house than a bad tenant." This particular bit of advice from his notorious elderslug may get him into a bit of trouble with the law! The police had better slap the cuffs on him quick before he lets another one loose!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Mr. Slug's education pays off!

Since Mr. Slug has been teaching a class in tailwagging, Mrs. Slug has been having dreams related to daily life. Sometimes dreams can be so real! Slide! Slide Mr. and Mrs. Slug! Slide for your lives!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Class begins promptly at 8:00 am, don't be late!

Every youngster needs a good role model to look up to. An adult who cares about the future of our youth. Someone who takes an interest in teaching poise, good manners and discipline. The adult needs to be a patient fellow, who keeps his composure when the youngsters need a litle extra help with a new and difficult task. Now, everysluggy, repeat after me......"Tail wagging is FUN!!!"

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Thrills and chills in coolsville

Being sick is no fun, especially when you are a slug with a belly that is already quite gooey. Add the extra goo that comes with a sinus drip and you have a very gooey wife, indeed! Despite the fact that Mrs. Slug is under the weather, our busy little Mrs. Slug has been practicing her new xylophone for a part she wishes to audition for. Mr. Slug insisted that she put down her mallets and get some rest, or he will apply the Mr. Clampy to her tail along with the medicine! Mrs. Slug gently laid down her mallets and allowed Mr. Slug to administer the Vicks. She said that she will be a good Mrs. Slug if Mr. Slug will "please get her a bowl of ice cream." Mr. Slug went out to the store and bought his wife the flavor of his choice because she won't be able to taste it. Something is not right with this picture!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Shhhh! Be quiet and let me do all the talking.

To supply the much needed capital for his new business, (selling the auxiliary brain sponges at the Emporium,) Mr. Slug is now employed with the school district as a transportation technician. Mr. Slug mistakenly thought that the short buses have a top speed of fifty miles an hour, but it turns out that these precision driving machines can move much faster than the bigger buses. These babies have a turbo-charged Detroit Diesel and a souped up dual exhast with all the trimmings! No mamby pamby rigs for this Mr. Slug! Get outta the way! Oh yeah, except for you, Mr. Officer, Sir......I shall watch my speed and weaving in the future. Thank you for the warning. It won't happen again.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Take the short bus to the factory outlet sale!

Knowing your customer base is one of the key factors to the success of a small business. If your customers are basically clueless, then offer them something they can really use! Let your team of talented and persuasive sales-slugs guide them toward the purchase, then watch the cash roll in. Soon, there will be a Mr. Slug's Brain Emporium in every major metropolitan area. Don't delay! Your future is now! Buy your franchise before everyone else buys a new brain from Mr. Slug and thinks of it before you do!!!!! Hurry!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Mr. Canopener feels slighted!

Modern technology has a way of taking away that personal touch from everyday transactions. Does anybody have a can of beans they need opened? No pop tops, please! You will hurt Mr. Canopener's feelings, and we don't want that. You know how dangerous he can be when he is angry!