Monday, April 27, 2009

Good manners will open the sugar bowl for you every time.

The above illustration is a fine example of how an individual who wishes to get to the top of the anthill must first introduce him or herself with a smile, and win the affection of the party with whom they wish to transact. Although each of us may sometimes feel like just a number, we need to remember the rules of the game. Mr. Ant says, "A clever ant must always possess the ability to ask for what is needed, and be straightforward and clear with that request." Mr. Slug is more than happy to take time out of his busy executive schedule to accomodate an industrious saleperson who shows up at his office with a friendly confident approach and an honest looking pair of antennae! Mr. Ant has been rewarded for his efforts with a job offer at a cotton candy factory and with a DVD copy of the film, "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." He was delighted! Now get out there and put your best exoskeletal leg forward today! (This ad paid for by the United Ant Workers of America, who would like to remind you that, "One ant equals the force of many ants when we all work together toward a common goal.")

Monday, April 20, 2009

Rrrring. Rrring.....Press three to speak to ME!

Every evening at about dinnertime, Mr. and Mrs. Slug are interrupted by the ringing of the telephone. They often receive a call from a tape recorded voice that will try to sell them something. Mr. Slug thought to himself, "Self, why can't we use that same technology to find more employment opportunities?" Mr. Slug found an Auto Dialer machine at a garage sale and hooked it up to his phone line. He made a recorded message asking potential employers to consider hiring him, and let 'er rip. That machine was incredible! It made calls to all corners of the country! Mr. Slug got calls back from the Chief Excecutive Officers of many different companies who were impressed with his marketing savvy. It sure helps to know how to speak the language of big business! Mrs. Slug has suggested that Mr. Slug should simply manufacture and sell the machines to job seekers and write his own ticket instead of working for some other slug. Now THAT's using your tail!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Eat broccoli for increased power and speed!

A couple of days ago, Mr. and Mrs. Slug were motivated to sweep the spiders out of the hull of the boat and take her for a spin around Olalla Lake, which is located delightfully close to Slug's Rest. The weather was perfect for a spirited paddling. Mr Slug saw a salamander underneath the surface of the water and jumped in so he could pet it on the back. He dove under the water and greeted Mr. Sally with a hearty hello and a wag of his tail. Just as he broke the surface of the water, Mrs. Slug had a spate of gaseous bodily fumes, exploding loudly in rapid succession, which she is prone to experience after eating a sumptuous lunch of broccoli and califlower florets, consumed greedily, also in rapid succession. You should have been there to see what happened next! The boat took off like a rocket and shot halfway across the lake! It is a good thing that Mr. Slug knows how to swim fast. Mrs. Slug was kind enough to throw her beloved a lifesaver. He ate it at once and climbed back into the boat. The afternoon concluded without further incident. The moral of this story is: "Too many greens mixed with the blue may require a maritime rescue!" or, "Don't take the boat after eating broccoli unless you are ready to rock and roll!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Product testing could take a month or two....

Mr. Slug does it again! He has invented a device that could put an end to despair, loneliness and corruption. Even the most hardened slug is no match for this love machine. This baby purrs like a kitten and will rumble an irritable and agitated working slug safely to sleep so he or she will wake up rested and ready for another profitable and productive workday. Why, this cuddlematic machine could be just the thing we need to turn this economy around! Three cheers for Mr. Slug!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Don't worry, be snappy

Sometimes the worries of the day can creep into your dreams and cause even more worries. The current economic conditions are sure to create a rather vivid scenario indeed. Your tender sluggy grey matter must fight back with happy thoughts! Before going to sleep tonight, tell yourself that you are in charge of the dreaming. When the cop tries to give you a ticket, imagine that it is not a traffic ticket, but a winning lottery ticket! That car you are living in is a Jaguar, and the peanut butter and jelly sandwich is a Creme Brulee! The smell emanating from the car is not sluggy odor, it is now Old Spice New "Sporty Fresh" scent! There is only one thing that should remain unchanged in the above picture.....The doo rag can still be a doo rag because Mr. Slug looks too cool for school in it.