Saturday, June 27, 2009

"Trouble" does not need a formal invitation printed in gold leaf ink on watermarked onion skin parchment with a vellum insert.

You can start the day with the sun brightly shining, everything is good, and suddenly, you feel attacked!!! Were you unprepared? Caught off-guard? Unable to defend yourself? Mr. Slug would like everyone to remember to carry a hammer and don't be afraid to use it. Sometimes you don't even have to take the hammer out of the toolbelt if you know a pre-prepared, choice set of intelligently placed words which will stop your aggressor in his slug trail. Smile! Grin and wink as you make your delivery of the words, and watch in amazement as the antagonists back up, and slide away. Mr. Slug says, "It is not true that good guys finish last. I would like to think that the good guys are the last to be finished!"

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Twirl and be Free! Mr. Slug tries on a brand new shoe...

All work and no play makes Mr. Slug a dull mollusk. Lucky for him, Mr. Canopener was itching to break free of his lunchbox and have some recreational time, so he demanded that Mr. Slug put on a tailshoe and practice some spirited ballet moves to tone up his tail and re-energize for the start of his business week. At first, Mr. Slug said, "No, I don't do tailshoes." Mr. Canopener was relentless. He said, "Just give it a try. Dancing has changed my life. I used to be cold and calculating, I was violent and would cut anyone open just for kicks. Now that I can express myself, I have found that I am a much friendlier chap with a loving heart." Mr. Canopener stared at Mr. Slug intently, his handle spinning slowly around in a somewhat menacing way. "Try it with me, I know you will like it." There are times in life when one realizes that trying something new might be the healthier choice to make. Mr. Slug reluctantly put on the shoe to keep Mr. Canopener from becoming agitated. After about an hour of dancing, Mr. Slug had improved considerably. He even scheduled another session of dancing during the midweek! Mr. Slug found ballet to be more fun, and I dare say, somewhat safer than playing one on one basketball with another one of his business collegues, Mr. Porcupine. The moral of this story is: "If the shoe fits, it is not enough to merely wear it. You must learn to dance in it."

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Saving money is a no brainer

If you are a slug who is trying to keep hold of your lettuce, a little belt tightening may be in order. Mr. Slug would like to issue a word of caution - tightening your belt too tight can lead to a bit of light headedness, thus leading to a series of poor decisions. This dangerous sequence of events may lead to uneccessary purchases of things like fan belts and wiper blades which are the wrong size and completely useless since Mr. Slug has abandoned his car for a steel sliding plate, due to the high cost of fossil fuel. So, with that, my dear friends, I deliver to you the honorable Mr. Slug's word of advice for today: "Take everything down a notch and you might find yourself breathing a little easier." I can hear the sound of your exhale already!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

This is one class where a crush on the teacher is a very bad thing...

Due to popular demand, (of one reader) I am compelled to supply all of my gentle readers with an introductory course on the basic anatomy of a slug. It pleases me to know that there is such an interest! Please reveiw the study material provided, you will be tested on this information.
HEY! You slugs! Yes you! In the back row! Pay attention!
Keep those optic tentacles on your own test as cheating will not be tolerated. NOW, repeat after me. "Garden Slugs are your Friends, as they are both beautiful and well-intentioned....."

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Micromanagement and you

For anyone who finds themselves lucky enough to be working, it is important to remember to pay attention to even the finest details of the job at hand. Leave no stone unturned, complete all required documentation so that the management can see that progress is being made. Every working minute must be accounted for!