Sunday, August 30, 2009

Yes, Doctor, I realize I overdid it just a little bit....

During the late summer, Mr. Slug finds that his belly becomes quite itchy due to the warm weather. He decided to invent a machine to take care of his malady. The machine was so effective that he rounded up a few investor slugs who were interested in making a profit on this new and exciting idea. The prototype was wildly popular with the local slugs! Now Mr. Slug has to limit the time that each slug may use the scratching machine because the crowds have become unruly and dangerous! Unfortunately, there is only one of these fantastic machines in the entire world. Let's hope that the machine can go into mass production as soon as possible. If you are a slug who would like to invest in this new product, please indicate how many shares of stock you would like to buy in the Scratchmatic Company. This invention could revolutionize the entire belly scratching industry! Get your piece of the Scratchmatic today!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Confidence is better than lipstick on a slug

Mr. Slug knows that the best thing he can wear out in public is a bright and honest smile. There is no article of clothing that can radiate success better than a relaxed and happy demeanor. Mr. and Mrs. Slug have found that the month has been a smoother slide when they go out the door wearing the "twinkle tail." It costs nothing, looks good, and seems to attract extra goo into Mr. Slug's wallet, which he likes when he is out buying chocolate bars after work.
**Of historical note for hardcore fans of Mr. Slug*** This particular napkin was drawn this very morning and was delivered to you fresh! "Yaaaaayyy!!!" "Can we get a Wheeeee-e-e?!" "Yipppeeee!!!!" Don't look at me that way. It is OK to be excited and cut loose with a yelp of gladness. This is a big deal. A really big deal. This is the first time that this has ever happened. SAME DAY SERVICE. I bet you didn't know......All previous slugs are from the archives of past lunchboxes. Mr. Slug took this napkin out of Mr. Lunchbox TODAY, the 18th day of August, and told me to share it with you at once. I hope you are pleased. Hold that thought. Indefinitely. Now go out there and twinkle that tail! Sell something! YOU!
This motivational message brought to you by "Slugs for an Increasingly Gooey World."

Sunday, August 2, 2009

FOR RENT! #77 Slugland Lane

A home is an incredible thing to a slug, as the shell is to a snail. We slugs do not take this fact lightly, and we screen our renters carefully when we find we wish to rent out our beloved abode. The first question that Mr. Slug is likely to ask any potential renter slug is, "How often do you plan to clean the goo stripes off of the front porch?" If there is any hesitation in answering that question, a 3 leaf surcharge will be added to the mothly rent. Otherwise, Mr. Slug will let most things slide, as he is a very reasonable sort of fellow, most of the time.