Wednesday, November 24, 2010

This thing is escalating out of control!

Mr. Slug has been in school learning all kinds of new things! Today he was inspired to reach for the clouds, but first he made a quick slide to the hardware store to pick up a few things:
1) A very long spool of kite string.
2) Two kites, unassembled, with adjustable tails in festive colors.
3) One large, industrial strength weather balloon.
4) One TSA full body scanner
5) One carryon bag with a dozen 3oz bottles of water

After gathering the necessary materials for his experiment, Mr. Slug stopped by the public library to read about other brave balloon aviators who have made the journey, so he could get an idea of what to expect. Mr. Slug found that there had been many balloon pilots in the past who had made the mistake of flying too high, where the air is too thin and has no oxygen. One can only imagine what happened to those hapless souls. Mr. Slug promised Mrs. Slug that he would be careful as his insurance will not cover this type of thing should he miscalculate the finer details of the flight.

Mr. Slug took off from the launch pad with the help of his three assistants at precisely 5:00pm. The aircraft went straight up and caught the breeze, which was moving him in a South Easterly direction at 4 miles per hour. At about 6:30 pm, Mr. Slug was famished and landed his contraption in a cow pasture, much to the delight and amazement of the wide-eyed and mooing heifers. Mr. Slug released the helium from the balloon and folded the kites for storage in his backpack. Mr. Slug was proud of himself for his excellent preparation, and wagged his tail as he smiled broadly at the cows. Just then, the farmer who owns the cows came running up to the scene and said, "What's going on over here? I thought I saw a UFO!" Mr. Slug kindly introduced himself and announced that he was not an unidentified flying object, he has his identification card right here if anyone needs to see it. The farmer shrugged and said, "Long as you ain't no alien, I reckon I won't hav'ta shoot 'ya." Mr. Slugs tummy growled audibly. The farmer asked him, "Didja eat?" Mr. Slug said no. "Well, I got me some nice collards down yonder, make yerself at home."  When Mr. Slug was finished nibbling, the farmer offered him a ride back to Slug's Rest.  They climbed aboard the tractor and headed home at a speed of 10 miles per hour. Cars were lined up and honking behind them. The tractor continued without increasing speed, at 10 miles per hour. Mr. Slug was happy with his progress and was blissfully unaffected by the rude waves and gestures and yelling from the passing vehicles. By the time Mr. Slug got home, it was exactly 7:00 pm. Mr. Slug had spent so much time with his new friend, he started to get a new accent. "Here we are Mr. Farmer, much obliged fer the lift! I promise to bring the missus on over fer supper sometime!" He tipped his optical tentacle forward as if it were a Stetson hat and headed indoors to his loving slimy mate. Mrs. Slug was so happy to have Mr. Slug back, safe and sound.

For future excursions, Mr. Slug needs to know what his total travel miles were so that he may write it in his logbook. Therefore, I present my fellow slugs with the following conundrum:

How far away is the launchpad from Slug's Rest?

How far away is the farm with the delicious collard greens?

Please help Mr. Slug with his calculations before he is forced to send himself back through the TSA scanner and get frisked by someone other than Mrs. Slug!!!!


Jeanne said...

I should've known we'd have homework over Thanksgiving break! LOL

Distance from launchpad to Slug's Rest - 1 mile

Distance from Farm with delicious collard greens to Slug's Rest - 5 miles *this distance is approx. since I don't know how long Mr. Slug took to nibble on those collard greens*

I'm glad Mr. Slug likes collard greens! Cause he can have mine! :0P

Happy Thanksgiving!

Kat said...

Hahahahahahahaaa!!!! thats all :)

Lorrene said...

Where in the world do you Slugs live anyway? Mr Slug would've froze his optical tentacle off if he tried that over here. It was about 5 below zero last night.

Snowbrush said...

I like collards very well, and I grew some last spring. I don't think my neighbor slugs took to them though as well as they did to various other things. I didn't know if they were bothered by the taste or by the thick leaves. I also wondered why Mr. Slug bought two kites and one large weather balloon. He must be a rather rotund slug because these balloons are very large indeed. It's a wonder he didn't get carried away, so to speak.

Snowbrush said...

Yes, I see from the photo that he is a very large slug indeed. It's a wonder the farmer could fit Mr. Slug on his tractor. It's also a wonder that the farmer wasn't unnerved by Mr. Slug. Of course, he was an Oregon farmer, and they are known for their bravery, especially the ones who farm atop volcanic headlands during winter storms.

Toyin O. said...

funny post.

Owen said...

Dearest Mrs Slug,
Oh my, I'm slower than the slowest of all slugs sliding over here, but at last, at last, I couldn't miss an episode in the life and times and adventures of Mr & Mrs Slug. This business about going up in balloons, it goes hand in hand, or mantle on mantle with a post I just did about a certain balloon trip...

What an incredibly enterprising slug Mr Slug is to get up in the air like that. My hat is off to him. And to you for reporting on the feat with such flair and finesse.

I'm afraid my math oriented brain cells went out for dinner tonight, and left me home alone with the cats... so the distance problem is literally beyond me right now.

RMKK said...

Mrs. Slug, Your posts are so ingenious and funny!

Seasons Greetings!
RMKK Companion

Princess Pepper Cloud said...

Dear Mrs.Slug, It has been almost two months since you wrote and introduced yourself. The ants and I have been on a long vacation from the web and found so much wonderful fan mail from all over the world. We all agree that we liked yours the best. We have always found slugs delightful and not very delicious, which is good for you! We are happy to see that slugs are finding new modes of transportation, often we try out new ways to travel too (spiders, wind, snails, leaves). Nice to meet you and keep in touch.
Stay moist and cheers,
PPC and the Ants