Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Sometimes you just gotta "make do"....or in this particular court case, it's a "make don't"

Mr. Slug likes his vegetables, but even he has his moments of weakness when he will raid the refrigerator late at night, looking for some tempting treat to eat while he watches his special DVD collection that he bought  on EBAY last month. It is every episode of Miami Mice ever made, all five action packed seasons, which have been cleverly and attractively packaged in a cream colored and textured alligator skin box. The only thing that would have made it even better would be if each CD were autographed with a claw print of Mr. Slug's favorite actor who plays "Elvis" in the popular long running television show.

When Mrs. Slug tried to Make Mr. Slug's lunch this fine morning, she was dismayed to find that there were very few lunch items from which to fashion a suitable noonday meal for her beloved mollusk. Mrs. Slug did what all good wives would do in this situation, she cobbled together a substitute lunch made of alternative ingredients! What a smart slug she is! Instead of bread, she put in some nice crackers. Instead of lettuce, she bagged a few frozen peas which would thaw nicely by lunchtime. Instead of an orange, she popped a few vitamin C tablets, which trickled noisily to the bottom of Mr. LunchBag, who was employed because Mr. LunchBOX was completely horrified by the entire business and hopped away in a huff, refusing to be associated with the alternate lunch plan!

Poor Mr. Slug. He has become a very spoiled slug who expects his lunch to look and taste a certain way, and this substitute fare did not cut the mustard as far as his palette was concerned. But who's fault was that I ask you, my dear readers, was it the fault of Mrs. Slug, who does her very best to accomodate the lunch needs of her loving husband slug? I say no, it was the fault of a certain late night snack attack by the very hungry and demanding belly of a certain Mr. Slug!

Your Honor, the defense rests.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

A "Rutebega Awakening" or, "Burp me you fool" - it's your choice!

It had been a terrific vacation but now it was time for Mr. Slug to put on his tie and go back to work. He had become spoiled on his cruise to the Bahamas, and found that it was hard to get back into the swing of waking up early for the daily battle.  Mr Slug had become accustomed to sliding out of his stateroom, along the banister to the Lido Deck and straight to the salad bar, which was open all hours of the day and night for the guests enjoyment. "Ahhh, this is the life," thought Mr. Slug, as he made the most of his six days at sea. Mr. Slug enjoyed golfing, swimming and playing Baccarat in the ship casino. When it came time to disembark the ship, Mr. Slug found himself sliding very slowly and reluctantly down the gangway and back to his life as a working slug. Mr. Slug was now tanned and fit after his week of luxury! "Things are gonna change at work," thought Mr. Slug to himself. "All we have to eat at the office is soda and candy out of the machine. I think I will call a meeting to address this very serious situation."  When Mr. Slug returned to the office on Monday morning, he sent summons to his top producing slimers that a meeting would be called to order immediately. The group of executive slugs met each other in the hallway, next to the food machine. The execs looked at Mr. Slug curiously, as he had never called a meeting outside of the closed doors of the executive slugroom. Mr. Slug said, "I have called you here today for a very serious threat to our productivity, this junkfood machine that spits out foods that slow us down and make us sleepy." Mr. Slug handed out a photo of a juicy looking rutebega to drive the point home. He began, " A slug is naturally tuned to eating large amounts of healthy greens all day long. The work day does not always allow for healthy choices on the slide. Just say no to heavily salted snack foods, they will shrivel a nice soft belly and decrease your overall productivity. For this reason, I have ordered the snack vending company to change our order to only the most succulent greens and tasty fruits and vegetables. I believe we will see an increase in our sales numbers almost immediately, which should help to defray the higher costs of the contents of this snack machine. All slugs in agreement will say Aye."  Mr. Slug waited for a moment and was pleased with the overwhelming number of  "Aye's"  from his fellow businessslugs. Mr. Slug continued, "Think of what we can do, my fellow slugs, if all of our meetings start with a hearty meal? Gentleslugs, we have lot's of work to do now that I am back, and as far as I am concerned, it's officially CRUNCH TIME! Quick! Call the Chamber of Commerce! Let's let the entire business community know that this company has officially GONE GREEN!" A great amount of whooping and hollering could be heard throughout the halls that fine Monday morning, and the slugs were more productive, due to the new produce. More lettuce for everybody!!!! Wooohooo!!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Staying in bed, cruising on your pillow is always the best choice!

It certainly has been a very rainy and wet and busy week here at Slug's Rest!  There has been so much to do in the course of a day, both slugs of the house have been working through the weekend so nothing gets left undone. The to-do list seems to grow daily with tasks. You may think you have gotten everything done, but one small, ridiculous detail gets overlooked and it becomes a huge ordeal! Why, just last night Mrs. Slug awoke with a start when she realized that she had forgotten to close the sunroof of her automatic sliding machine. She could hear the pouring rain outside, so she prodded Mr. Slug by poking him in the belly to wake him up. "Honey." "WHAT?!, What? What is it? Is everything OK?" Mr. Slug woke up from a very sound sleep. He was somewhat disoriented. "I think I may have left the sunroof open in the auto-slide,"  said Mrs. Slug.
Mr. Slug, being the gentleslug that he is, purposefully roused his tail from the warm bed and put on his robe to go outside.
Mr. Slug looked adorable in his red terrycloth robe as he vertured outside into the wild weather. It was pouring rain. The interior of the once pristeen auto-slide appeared to be fully soaked. The sunroof was a gaping maw, inviting the droplets to hit the leather seats. Mr. Slug was not amused, nor were the three stuffed animal friends that Mrs. Slug has riding around on her dashboard. These three 'friends' have been riding around with Mrs. Slug for years. They keep her good company on long drives and are better with directions than a GPS device. Besides, they are soft and snuggly. Allow me to introduce Messers. Wormy the green worm, Octy the speckled grey octopus, and Miss Jelly the demure and thoughtful jellyfish. The three friends were not amused and stared blankly at Mr. Slug as he closed up the vehicle. As Mr. Slug finished his midnight task, he shook his head and mumbled, as it was getting very late indeed.  Then suddenly.....the sound of rain was replaced with  a Crash! Rustle rustle! Bang! Apparently, there were dangerous critters roaming around in the bushes making unsettling noise!  Mr. Slug was so startled that he reacted with wide eyed tentacles and slid quickly from the scene, back in the front door and up the banister back to bed, where it was warm and safe. "Was everything all right out there? I heard something outside," said Mrs. Slug. Mr. Slug replied, "Wormy, Octy and Jelly were very confused and upset, and whats more, there is some THING in the bushes, I think it is rather large and scary. Wormy Octy and Jelly are safe now that the vehicle is secure, but now I am rattled and I can't get back to sleep. Please hand me my earplugs." Mrs. Slug did as she was bade and rolled over to go back to sleep. "Goodnight sweetie." Ahhh, peace and quiet. All he could hear now was his own breathing, and then, the sound of a ships horn in the distance!. Mr. Slug finally drifted back into his very inventive and wonderful world of dreams, where he envisioned a sizeable cruise ship pulling into port to take him away from it all for a few fun filled days at sea. Let the confetti fly! Bon Voyage, Mr. Slug!!!