Thursday, January 28, 2010

"You don't need a psychiatrist, you need a muzzle"


Are you tired of the endless chatter of your fellow slugs? Do you wish that you had merely said nothing when asked a difficult question? Then gather round all you weary slugs! Mr. Slug has a new invention that will help to minimize sound pollution and add quality to your life! Keep your ears free to hear only the things you want to hear, while eliminating the incessant chatter of others. Wear one, and you won't have to say yes to time consuming volunteer activities. Not only that, you will be regarded as an intelligent and thoughtful slug who listens well. Give the slug muzzle to all your friends and enjoy a blissful day of solitude. Take a test drive in a new muzzle! Your complete satisfaction or your dollar will be returned. Order one today and you will receive a free gift with purchase, a new soft and fluffy tailsock to snuggle in while you enjoy your quiet nights at home with a library book. Listen to these testimonies given by slugs just like you: "I bought my first muzzle a week ago and now I am writing poetry and playing a harmonica every day."  "I gave a muzzle to all my co-workers and now I can get my job jone in a timely manner. My boss gave me a raise!"
That's right friends, you can experience the benefits of your slug muzzle in just three easy payments of .37 cents, shipping and handling not included. Call now, and you can stop calling after it arrives! Hurry! Supplies are limited, but the words of other slugs are not!

6 comments:

Kat said...

omygosh that's hilarious! Love it. :)

Does it work on children and where do I sign?

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

I hate listening to idle chatter, MFFTW is much nicer, sort of like humming...

Owen said...

Mr Slug is a genius ! He is sure to have a major breakthrough with this one ! With a little well placed communication you should be able to convince some governments to order millions of them... I mean, just look at how many million swine flu vaccines France ordered !

Yessirreee, you slugs are going to be living high on the hog when this goes viral ! For sure ! Ahhh, muzzled silence is golden... And husbands who have verbose nagging wives can get them one, and then just say, "Come nuzzle some sweet muzzled nothings in my ear...", marriages will be saved. However, for men who talk to much, it may be harder to convince them to put one on, because none will admit to talking too much...

Ah you wily, crafty, clever, brilliant slugs ! I just hope it comes with a built in drool and slime absorber so it can be used more than once ?

And that tail sock sounds like a nice idea too, when not being worn, it can double as a windsock...

Oh joyous day, the slugs have struck again ! Bringing broad smiles wherever they slide...

Snowbrush said...

As a funeral director, I had to keep the deceased person's mouth shut. This was accomplished by driving a tack into the upper gum (just behind the upper lip). The tack had a wire wrapped around it, and this wire was tied to the wire from a corresponding tack that was driven into the lower gum. For slugs who have everything, this might be an alternative to a muzzle.

P.S. Now, don't be silly. Of COURSE, you don't owe me anything for this suggestion.

DCW said...

MFFTMW?
Must Find Fewer Tedious Mindless Words

babbler said...

KAT, Yes, this fabulous muzzle works well on children, it doubles as a festive hat for holidays when placed on the head at a jaunty angle!

TERI AND THE CATS OF FURRYDANCE, A muzzled conversation has a very pleasing sound to it, similar to elevator music.

OWEN, I don't know where to start....you have consistantly performed above and beyond the call of sliding duty when commenting here at Slug's Rest! I have been inspired by the idea that the muzzle could go viral, Mr. Slug is busy inventing another machine that might help him do just that....A sluggy server that will contain his own slugsite...the goo of slug trails may contain an even more sticky substance than the silk threads of the current web, so stay tuned for an explosion of sluggy chatter as Mr. Slug attempts to "Go outside of the muzzle." The tailsock / windsock will be proudly stationed upon the roofs of many sluggy houses in years to come!

SNOWBRUSH, Ah, Mr. Snowbrush, I can always count on the most curious comments from you! This particular comment has left us quite speechless indeed!!! :) Since I am a slug who does not yet have everything, I am safe for the moment! Thanks for the suggestion, free of charge!

DCW, "Must find fewer tedious mindless words".....Fewer more tedious mindless words have never been spoken! You are quite the wordsmith Sir!

TO ALL, who have taken great care to visit and comment, I applaud your bravery and audacity. Life rushes by in such a blur, it is hard to identify the proper slug trail to follow, particularly after a drenching rain. The fact that you took the time to come here and speak with your fellow slugs is outstanding. Time, that valuable, most precious commodity to which there is no price, is so fleeting. I truly appreciate your tender comments so graciously given. Come on back now, ya'hear?!